Today

Back in the world.

Loving too much.

Questioning if there’s such a thang

Contemplating my own transparency

Missing precious Althea since she left the planet

Feeling her presence and honored by it

Questioning death

Knowing it’s futile

Juggling to-do lists

Thinking everyone is nuts

Knowing I am too.

Connecting to surprises present each day.

Merging words to make Surpresence

…Or maybe SurPresents

Or both

Wanting everything like I want it

Knowing that’s sorta silly

Flopping around like a fish

Knowing I should breath instead

Paying my “artist toll”

Avoiding “universal ass whoopins”* cause they hurt bad and come with long recovery times

Thinking there’s a lot of P’s and Q’s to stay abreast of

Feeling rebellious

Proud of my follow through

Thankful for insightful friends

Debating myself about suppressing my own transparency

Knowing I can only do it for so long

Honoring my agreements

Acknowledging deals I made with The Most High

Laughing (sorta) on how he’s upheld his end,

though I got no say in how that would play

(But I knew that).

Feeling purposeful.

Wanting to feel my full self

Knowing that can be overwhelming

Thinking I should let others negotiate the overwhelming part

Cursing those that can’t receive

But not wanting to

Trying to stop over thinking

Scoffing at how it’s second nature

Feeling a little bit like  a badass.

Wanting to be loved on like a baby

Listening for a lecture from my heart

Wanting to travel as in beam me up scotty (but not for good just sayin)

Communing with The Black Cosmic Love Bubble

Knowing you’re wondering what that is

Promising a story for another day

Wanting to go back in the nunnery**

Not wanting to go back in the nunnery

Asking if I can reinvent the nunnery

Glad people are finally getting mad

Glad I’m mad again!

Wondering when I’ll write my Femmoirs

Daring someone to take my word

Happy to be writing

Thinking my story hasn’t changed much since 15

Shit!

Bout to pray

(But I’m sorta prayin’ now)

Living by less thought more action

Appreciating life

Studying myself

Wondering if anyone thinks this subject is as funny as I do.

Tryna let myself feel all the things

Wanting to put my sword down

Still yearning to get “Michaune” with it***

Wanting to by syrupy

Wanting to be sweet

Tryna blend it well with my cayenne sting

Aries hot head

Working to stop apologizing

And make everyone else start recognizing

Damn that’s work

Embracing being the teacher

Trying to be an obedient student

Rolling my eyes

Trying to stop writing

Need to go exercise

Getting interrogated by my little self

Marveling at how the roles reversed

Thinking that this train won’t stop

Maybe there had been a plug in my thoughts!

Thinking “Today” should also be tomorrow

Practicing present moment living

Practicing present moment giving

Balancing.

 

~Is this what it means to be alive? …Thinkin thoughts in Studio5~

~hkai

*Universal Ass Whoopins: when you don’t do what you know God told you to do and then he does it for you in a way that usually involves whoopin your ass from the cosmos which is far worse than any physical beat down that could have been avoided had you just listened the first time.

**Nunnery: My imaginary convent that provides abundant self fulfilling love and focus. Dedication and commitment. Faith, belief and trust while refraining from physical activities with the opposite sex that also involves switching back over to my green and blue wardrobe. A living meditative state adopted after The Black Cosmic Love Bubble Experience.

***Michaune: the badass sword wielding sista on The Walking Dead who was initially a curator or something like that before the apocalypse but now she’s just mysterious sword wielding bad ass who works a sword like no other and has managed to be one of the few characters of color not to get “kilt”!.

***The Black Cosmic Love Bubble: A very long but most fascinating life changing experience story for another time.